o/~ you don't know how lucky you are, you don't know how much I adore you, you are my welcoming back from the ocean o/~
2003-02-21 - 7:32 p.m.

Yesterday, my english teacher advised us all to dress warmly, as "tomorrow is ski day and it's supposed to be -25 at the top of that hill."

It was ski day today, exactly one year from last year's ski day. Except it wasn't ski day for me today, as the doctor has ordered me not to do any physical activity whatsoever. I stayed home.

It wasn't snowing. Last year it was snowing. Last year the flakes started around 12 noon, I knew that because after lunch I could only go on several runs because the snow was so bad it kept obscuring my vision and making me swerve in the wrong directions. I thought myself fortunate that I made it through the day while skiing in that weather without breaking anything, seeing as I spent more time falling then I did actually skiing due to a combination of the bad weather and my bad skiing skills.

By the time we had to leave, the snow was coming down in heaps. Everyone boarded the bus, and nobody sat down beside me, so I rolled up my jacket and used it as a pillow, leaned up against where the edge of the seat met the window, and listened to Dave Matheson's solo album on my headphones.

I think Dave was singing "Hay Fever", and I don't know the order in which things happened next. The bus stopped very suddenly, and I was jarred forward in my seat. I didn't hear tires squeal or glass break or anything...the only thing was this crunching metal sound, like someone was crushing a huge soda can. I looked up, and there were more lights on in the bus then there usually were...my music teacher and a physics teacher and the bus driver were all standing up and telling everyone to stay in their seats. Then the three of them got out of the bus.

Everybody talked loudly. I stared out the window at the piece of metal that used to be a car. I later learned that it had swerved on the road, hit a guardrail, then smashed into the side of our bus. Nobody was hurt, and the bus was still driveable...we just waited for the police to get there and made it back to school about 3 hours later than we would have.

It was the only time I've ever been in an accident or collision in any sort of vehicle. I went to school the next morning and wrote a biology test. I remember because I had brought my biology textbook with me on the bus and it fell of my seat when we stopped.

I have two tests tomorrow...History and Math. I can't study. I tried, I studied for 15 minutes, but I can't sit still and study. I always have trouble studying, I always stop to think, but today is especially hard. I just cannot cram my brain full of quadratic equations then cram my brain full of the Holoucast, there's just something that's not working here.

My grades are dropping, I know it. Probably a lot, too. I've missed a lot of school because of appointments and this whole situation. My work habits are slipping too. and I'm ashamed.

I can't let myself become apathetic though. I won't.

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