like I had actually once known him more than vaguely
2003-03-03 - 4:50 p.m.

There is a printout sloppily taped to the outisde of the common room door...crude stick figure drawings on green paper...a little boy with a backwards baseball cap sheepishly holding out some wilted flowers to an elderly, wheelchair-bound lady with an apron and a puckered face and a big bun on top of her head. "It's Random Acts Of Kindness week, practice Random Acts Of Kindness!"

There was an announcement in chapel. Random Acts Of Kindness week: a memorial for 3 children killed in Florida by random acts of violence. "Counteract violence with kindness! Make peace, not war!" Step of the podium, next announcement.

I take a class called "Career Studies". It's a mandatory course, you have to take it to graduate from high school in Ontario. It's designed to "help you discover your path in life and make smart choices pertaining to your future." A couple of days ago, we recieved a lecture on The 8 Types Of Intelligence. My teacher said one thing in particular that almost made me swallow the throat lozenge I really wasn't supposed to be eating out of surprise. I wrote it down so I would remember it.

"There are 8 different types of intelligence. Some people have more and less of all the different types of intelligences, and that's normal. but if there is one type of intelligence that one completely lacks, that is something that one needs to work on, to become that *whole person*. The goal of this course is to help you to acquire all of these types of intelligences...this will make you the perfect person."

a couple of days ago, there were no seats left in the common room. I walked over to a friend, who I knew likes affection and would not be uncomfortable, and sat on his lap. it's not something I generally do in public, but I didn't think much of it...until for the rest of the day, everyone was asking me if we were going out. And this continued into the next day. and into the next. "Hey, I heard you're dating him, does that mean he's over person x, i thought he liked person y more than you and I thought you liked person z..."

well, wow. i showed affection towards someone. of course this means I am admitting my undying monogamous love and devotion to them. Or perhaps I'm easy..."oh, so you're just trying to turn him on, get him to want you..."

heehee. turning people on. me. attempting to turn someone on. wait...me? me. heehee. I am about as seductive as a can of spam. I don't "sexually tease and flirt". I do not use a "dating strategy". for me, love is not a strategy. relationships are not a strategy. Yes, there are times you need to be wary and consider what you do or say...but it is not a carefully calculated mind game. If I show affection towards someone, what it means is I obviously like them and it makes me feel good to be close to them physically, and they have shown that they also like being close to me physically. It does not mean I'm trying to seduce them or date them or get them in bed.

We need a "Random Acts Of Hugging" week. Seriously.

leading me to quite possibly the most disturbing dream I've ever had...highlighting in it's creepiness at a point when I walked into a grocery store, and I saw a man I used to know vaguely, at the checkout counter, sitting in a shopping cart, his arms curled around his knees. I had ran into the store to get away from something...and when I saw him I screamed with happiness and ran towards him, like he was sitting in the chariot to Heaven or something, like I was a fishgirl. When I got closer, I saw that he looked absolutely horrifying, like a monster...the skin on his face was all clustered in papery brown bunches and sagging from his eyes...his hair was long like it used to be, but it was grey and black and so limp that it looked like a dollar store wig. But for some reason, I knew it was him, and I wasn't scared of him...he wasn't even wearing that silver necklace that he always wears, I don't think...and I climbed into the cart with him and we held each other for a long time, like I actually had once known him more than vaguely, like it wasn't a favor to me.

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